operation mugging.

outline for this post. i shall start of griping about how much i have not studied even though i have. it seems to be a formality in jc to brag about how much you have not studied but nv how much you have covered. i m a traditions kind of guy so lets stick to that. even though it is much easier listing down what i have covered. which is quite abit by my standards. but not enough for a pass. especially when the people you hang ard talk about passes as more than a B.

i can live with myself for studying that little. i need to have more discipline in the things i do.. play too much smallball and pokemon(hey. i m trying to relive my childhood here. quit laughing). and i slp too much and study too little. spend my time very ineffectively. maybe i should study with the mailman. haha. the mailman mugs too... bet you didnt knw that. haha.

then i shall carry on to talk about how boring life has been for me(another formality) and complain how life is unfair. but nv to my advantage.

now that we're done with that...

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i think i have neglected alot of my friends for my relationship. some chinese proverb describes such behaviour but i will leave it out to spare a portion of my beloved friends from hyperventilating(allergic to chinese. chinese proverbs? way too much to handle). anyway. i've nv found myself neglecting all my friends for just one person. i mean i have neglected people b4. but not that many. and when guilt pricks me in the ass(not a very nice thing). i guess the least i can do is....

1) salvage some of the dying/dead friendships. havent been keeping track.
2) remedy those that are reaching the cliff.
3) try to make more friends before i get out of vj.

i think i should stick to the first two before i get too ambitious. ambitious. i like that word. i just nv finish it.. NATO. i dont knw. the strange thing is that i knw these friendships were going downhill but i nv really made an effort to salvage them. i just let them slip by me. let their friendship fade away. let their aid to me in dire times go forgetten. sure. i comfort myself to slp with lies that i m too shy to bring such issues up or i dont knw how to tackle the issue. but truth be told. i knw as well as hell(that rhymed. i m gd.) i can salvage them if i really wanted to.

i guess at the end of the day. we only appreciate those ard us in times of need. share the woe. hoard the wealth. i can see myself heading back to these shores when i m broken and stranded in the open. these shores that i nv appreciated or care about in gd times. its only when you are in need will you think of them. and the strangest thing yet. they are always there for you, no matter how you neglected them. no matter when. no matter how. they are there for you. for that i thank all of you great friends who have been shores to me throughout my life.

must we always wait til times of need before we appreciated those ard ours. but appreciation is merely a word then. just as it has always been. when times are fine again. we return to this sick cycle. we do this to them and they do this to others. i guess it really is an evil carousel.

there are always those who are there for us when we are down and broken but seldom are they there to share our joys and happiness. not cause they dont want to. but we dont include them. we merely cast them out of sight, out of mind. the mind choose what it chooses to believe. but still they stick it out with us the next time we are broken. that is really admirable. this guilt has bothered me for countless nights but constantly i find myself casting them out of mind. typical human nature. avoid whatever you do not wish to face. i m sorry orange, monster and minru.

the truth is. i m too weak to do any thing... yet another excuse.