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Friday, June 16, 2006

i m high.

this may scare you people. but i m either high on coffee or i m high on maths. haha. actually i think its the music. maybe a combination of them all. WHEE.... intergration is fun.

i m starting to suspect i took drugs but am too high to recall.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

operation mugging.

outline for this post. i shall start of griping about how much i have not studied even though i have. it seems to be a formality in jc to brag about how much you have not studied but nv how much you have covered. i m a traditions kind of guy so lets stick to that. even though it is much easier listing down what i have covered. which is quite abit by my standards. but not enough for a pass. especially when the people you hang ard talk about passes as more than a B.

i can live with myself for studying that little. i need to have more discipline in the things i do.. play too much smallball and pokemon(hey. i m trying to relive my childhood here. quit laughing). and i slp too much and study too little. spend my time very ineffectively. maybe i should study with the mailman. haha. the mailman mugs too... bet you didnt knw that. haha.

then i shall carry on to talk about how boring life has been for me(another formality) and complain how life is unfair. but nv to my advantage.

now that we're done with that...


i think i have neglected alot of my friends for my relationship. some chinese proverb describes such behaviour but i will leave it out to spare a portion of my beloved friends from hyperventilating(allergic to chinese. chinese proverbs? way too much to handle). anyway. i've nv found myself neglecting all my friends for just one person. i mean i have neglected people b4. but not that many. and when guilt pricks me in the ass(not a very nice thing). i guess the least i can do is....

1) salvage some of the dying/dead friendships. havent been keeping track.
2) remedy those that are reaching the cliff.
3) try to make more friends before i get out of vj.

i think i should stick to the first two before i get too ambitious. ambitious. i like that word. i just nv finish it.. NATO. i dont knw. the strange thing is that i knw these friendships were going downhill but i nv really made an effort to salvage them. i just let them slip by me. let their friendship fade away. let their aid to me in dire times go forgetten. sure. i comfort myself to slp with lies that i m too shy to bring such issues up or i dont knw how to tackle the issue. but truth be told. i knw as well as hell(that rhymed. i m gd.) i can salvage them if i really wanted to.

i guess at the end of the day. we only appreciate those ard us in times of need. share the woe. hoard the wealth. i can see myself heading back to these shores when i m broken and stranded in the open. these shores that i nv appreciated or care about in gd times. its only when you are in need will you think of them. and the strangest thing yet. they are always there for you, no matter how you neglected them. no matter when. no matter how. they are there for you. for that i thank all of you great friends who have been shores to me throughout my life.

must we always wait til times of need before we appreciated those ard ours. but appreciation is merely a word then. just as it has always been. when times are fine again. we return to this sick cycle. we do this to them and they do this to others. i guess it really is an evil carousel.

there are always those who are there for us when we are down and broken but seldom are they there to share our joys and happiness. not cause they dont want to. but we dont include them. we merely cast them out of sight, out of mind. the mind choose what it chooses to believe. but still they stick it out with us the next time we are broken. that is really admirable. this guilt has bothered me for countless nights but constantly i find myself casting them out of mind. typical human nature. avoid whatever you do not wish to face. i m sorry orange, monster and minru.

the truth is. i m too weak to do any thing... yet another excuse.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Under Pressure.

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love
Cause love's such an old fashioned word
and love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure

-Freddy Mercury and David Bowie

i fell behind.

the most amazing thing about humans isnt about all the inventions we've made that. or how we can kill each other and everything else with the inventions. what never fails to amaze me is how we can always come up with wide range of excuses for everything that goes wrong. we could catalogue all our excuses into dumb/dumbest/i-cant-believe-you-tried-that. but more simply. the purpose or a summary of all these excuses can be simplified to 'it wasnt me, its his/her fault.'

if done well enough. a great mind could turn a excuse into the noblest act. seemingly saintly to the none-the-wiser world. hmm. imagine a senario. a guy gives up a girl. for 'her happiness', he would rather 'suffer' without her and let her be happy. but think of it in another light. maybe the guy was just lazy or tired of trying. he wants out. but how not to seem the jerk. hmm.. i wonder. remember dan brown's 'so dark the con of man'. haha. maybe the guy doesnt love her enough to try harder. or maybe he just dont deserve her. its amazing what a well placed excuse can be manipulated into.

who wouldnt want the best of both worlds. and sometimes the lies we tell ourselves. to let us slp at night, are so dark and deceitful. they can easily deceive the slightly less cynical of man. if a guy falls so in love with a girl, but the girl. not wanting to hurt him, manages to keep his attention showered on her. yet behind the scenes. she makes out with two guys she knws he doesnt like. drunk maybe. or maybe just another excuse. but what is cost if one fool is willing. but it is two will pay the price.

we only treasure what we've lost.

we are, we are all innocent - our lady peace.

we lust for the things we cant seem to grasp.